Ask The Expert: Boys And Sex–Talking to Men About the Hookup Culture

Dear Your Child:

We heard Peggy Orenstein’s meeting on NPR and it was found by me really annoying. It is feasible I was sad that girls are giving but not getting that it’s a generation gap but. Orenstein’s research just centers around girls. I happened to be wondering whether there is any extensive research on guys and their viewpoint with this “hookup culture”. I’d like to imagine that both children are wired for love and relationships but We wonder if it model is broken.

EXPERT | Dr. David Anderson

For moms and dads, the very thought of their teenager or young adult participating in sexual intercourse is really a regular concern. During my just work at the little one Mind Institute, it is fairly common with any teenager or young adult to have one or more treatment session (and in most cases one or more session with parents because well) centered on decision-making, permission, and security because it pertains to sex or romantic relationships. Plus it’s nearly unavoidable that parents and teenagers will at some time have to have some delicate and embarrassing conversations.

Hookups are usually thought as sex of some type (not always intercourse) without having the expectation of a relationship that is committed. Surveys do indicate that a greater portion of males search for hookups. They truly are confident with a wider array of intimate tasks, and feel more favorably about hookup tradition. But, studies additionally stress the significant overlap between the sexes on reports of both negative and positive emotions/consequences during and after hookups. Furthermore, whether or not the percentage may be reduced for men, a lot of both sexes nevertheless prefer committed relationships. This is certainly one difference that is major hookups vs dating.

Boys And Relationships: Let’s Talk Hookup Heritage

So hookup culture, for better or even even worse, will still be a effective force in the introduction of adults. You want to make sure to offer the support that is right navigating these challenges. Here are a few some ideas for chatting with girls and boys about hookup culture:

Emotional Effects of Starting Up

Even though many teens and adults experience positive feelings both during and following a hookup, feelings of frustration, embarrassment, and regret will always be quite typical. If they look for help from moms and dads, buddies, or even a psychological medical expert, you want to ensure that adults have actually open lines of interaction. We should assist them to talk about their feelings. We want them become assertive within their process that is decision-making (frequently first and foremost) give consideration to others’ needs and emotions.

Secure Intercourse

Considering the fact that the most of teenagers and adults that are young involve some experience with hookups, they need trusted grownups who is able to have those awkward but extremely essential conversations about safe intercourse. While condom use has grown in america within the last few decades, current studies of teenagers and teenagers suggest notable increases into the frequency of unprotected dental intercourse, underestimation regarding the risks of STIs, and a lot of hookups involving unprotected sex that is vaginal.

The Part of Liquor

Research highlights the most important part that liquor plays in facilitating hookup behavior, particularly binge drinking. Liquor consumption is linked to reduced decision-making. You will find a host of conditions that must be talked about with teenagers and adults that are young how exactly to make sure safe and consensual interactions whenever one or both events can be intoxicated by liquor or medications.


This will be probably the least talked about yet most topic that is important the context of hookup tradition. Studies of heterosexual hookups show that a greater percentage of males search for hookups. It demonstrates that guys may overestimate women partner’s comfort with intimate actions, and therefore up to 8 % of intimate encounters could be regarded as undesired and sometimes even nonconsensual.

Secure, Consensual, Mutually Enjoyable Intercourse

That they have the ability to ensure that sexual activity is safe and consensual and to advocate for mutual enjoyment whether it’s in the context of a hookup or a committed relationship, opposite-sex or same-sex sexual encounter, it’s crucial to convey to our children that both parties should feel. And that is a note this is certainly way too frequently lost amidst the challenges of adolescence and adulthood that is young.

Dr. David Anderson is a psychologist that is clinical ny City’s Child Mind Institute, a completely independent nonprofit specialized in changing the life of kids and families experiencing psychological state and learning disorders.